You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
