Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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