Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
