Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
