That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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