forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
