Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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