i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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