I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
