I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
