The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
