i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
