Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
