the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
