i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
