could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
