all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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