you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
