but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
