On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
