Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
