In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
