We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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