i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
