Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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