honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
