yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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