So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
