so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
