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yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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