I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
