Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
