So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
