these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I would ride that face into the sunset
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
