Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just threw up on my dentist
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
