Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
