I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i need some magic done to my vagina
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
