Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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