This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
