Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
