So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
