I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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