I heard we made out
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
