If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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