when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
