and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
