they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
A+ Viking dick
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
