Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
