only if we run a train.
done.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
