He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
