Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
