some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My balls are so social today.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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