Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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