I want to make a zoo with you.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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